Fix-It Superpower!

Every once in a while it's nice to go back in time; maybe read an old book, revisit a special place, or see an old friend. Whatever it is, nostalgia kicks in and I'm left wondering why I ever let the book or the place or the person slip out of my grasp. Then, after I see or experience or read, I remember. All the bad things that sent shivers down my spine return in a flood of unpleasant memories.

If I could choose a superpower, I'd pick the ability to fix any problem I wanted to. I hate the idea that the world is not perfect and that things don't always go the way you want them to. I tend to place all the blame on myself when things go wrong, and then I try to fix it. Or at least I want to.

What good does that do? Old friends are old friends for a reason. They had their time, it was great, but hanging on only makes life more complicated and harder to bear.

Baby therapy

I've had my share of kiddos in the few days I've been home so far. It's really great to just chill with little ones... I love sitting there watching them play or talk to each other. Unfortunately, I get frustrated when I babysit for one particular family. They have a big, stupid dog... named Louie. *Sigh* I think the parents pay so well because they know I have to deal with the dog more than the kids. Well, Saturday night was quite the adventure...

See, we thought it would be fun to put together a gingerbread house. Fun? Fun?! What was I thinking? Well, we tried "gluing" the house together (and I was corrected many times, "It's not glue, Miss Becca... it's icing!"), but that didn't work out so well. Who the heck thought of slow-drying icing to keep a ginger bread house from slipping and sliding apart? Hmm. Well, all they wanted to do was decorate, so we spread the pieces out on the table... and then spread the icing with our fingers! I mean, why not... they're gonna lick it up and get messy anyway. So, they finished decorating and washed their hands and it all seemed like it was going to work out. We left the pieces on the table to dry. I planned on "gluing" the house together after they went to bed.

Amidst a serious game of fooseball against a 6-year-old, little Emily politely informed me that Louie spit up all over the carpet. I cautiously peeked in the direction she was pointing, and what do you think I saw? Candy pieces and a bit of his dinner on the floor. "Bad Louie!" Wait... candy pieces? How... oh! no! "LOUIE!"

I dashed upstairs and of course, I find sprinkles all over the floor and only four pieces of the house left. If you think about it, there are four walls and two roof pieces. I guessed the other two were inside of Louie. Thank goodness they didn't come up with the candy pieces! Two of the four pieces that were left seemed a little too wet considering the amount of time they had been drying... and in that moment my heart sunk. The kids ran upstairs to see what kind of trouble their dumb dog got into, and as they saw the damage to their artwork, the smiles on their faces vanished. "Ugh! Louie!!! Downstairs you go." Needless to say, that dog makes my skin crawl.

Today, I got to watch baby Kaitlyn for about two hours. As my mother always says, "Sometimes you just need to hold a baby... it's therapudic." I had a great time talking like an idiot, watching her take in the strange, new surroundings in my house. How anyone could not love kids, I will never understand. If I ever come across someone with those issues, I'll just shove a baby in their arms and see the transformation take place.

Having said all that, I will have a silly grin on my face all day, no doubt.

A butterfly can do it... why not me?

"But these things I plan won't happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! they will not be overdue a single day!"

I've always thought I was patient... more than necessary, actually. Lately, it's wearing thin and I'm getting frustrated. With who? God. It makes my insides hurt and my eyes tear up to admit it, but I am. If I think about it long and hard enough, I'll come to realize that my frustration is my own fault... but who wants to admit that? It's easier to push the blame on anyone else but myself.

I wish He would talk... or even just visit me for a minute so I could get a glimpse of Him. "If I could just see you, everything will be all right. If I'd see you, this darkness would turn to light." I often lay in bed just wishing that He would come and touch my face or hug me in His huge, comforting arms and tell me He has it all under control. "Just rest in Me." Well, I've tried resting and trusting. All this patience stuff is overrated. And yet here I sit, being patient because that's what Becca does best. Oy.

On one not-so-particular day

I sat there today, in the cafeteria, affectionately known as the "fluh." Yes, I sat there. I often eat alone, not that I mind. Today was no different, except that it was so... peaceful. I sat there in a booth, getting smelly because the stench of onions and whatever else they cook permeates every item of fabric present, and watched the snow fall down. They recently hung lights in the floor-to-ceiling windows, the icicle kind. It felt like Christmas... or at least the way I picture a Christmas day. I wanted to sit there forever. No one understands why I like the snow. Yeah, it gets grey and ugly. And yeah, it can cause major road problems. And oh yeah, it can freeze your car to the ground... but it's beautiful! And after it falls, before all the trucks start clearing up the mess of things, it's so quiet. Come on now, you can't help but smile, can you?

A Drop From My Eye

Tears.
They're funny things. I wish I understood how they worked.
How do they know when you're feeling blue?
We know when we're upset because... well, because there are tears.
Crying brings peace, usually. If only for a little while.
Why is that? Why do we need to cry? Why do the tears flow?
It's an awful experience... and leaves you fully exhausted.
So why does it feel good sometimes to let the tears roll over our cheeks and spill onto our shirts... or pillows?
I hate holding it in. I feel like I'm exposing too much of myself if I show my tears.
Only God knows the tears... my tears.
He knows what each one was for... and He heard every hurt and angry word I ever said in the midst of the liquid coming out of my eyes.
That terrifies me.
No one should know the tears.
They're funny things.

Becca the Bobblehead

Truthfully, I just had a big scare and I don't want to talk about it. After today, I'm seriously considering a career in counseling. Hmm, I'll look into that.

Don't you hate drama? The kinda where a friend calls you up and says, "Hey, funny story I gotta tell you..." and then proceeds to tell you something that just makes your mouth drop? The story really isn't funny at all and you're left shaking your head after the friend finds some excuse to get out of your awkward disappointment. Today in particular, my trap flopped at the idiocy of such a happening. I'm still shaking my head, wondering how on earth this person could create so much drama in his life. It's just ridiculous. The best part is that, without fail, I always hear about every single stupid decision because... I listen. It's what I do. Oh, but it gets better. After I hear about it, I'll try to be honest, but that's just too awkward sometimes and said person doesn't want to hear it. So... I'm left sitting with a wide open mouth, looking like a bobblehead doll because no matter how hard I try, it won't stop shaking.

Another sunny day in Paris and Rome... but I wanna go home. I miss you so.

It's amazing how lifted my spirits are now that I've seen people from home. Lissa and the "2nd parents" came to see me today on their way to Pittsburgh. I realize that here in this silly little slippery town I'm not attached to anyone, and the love gets sucked out of me. All happiness gets drained out of my system by the end of a semester and I just want to be HOME... with the people who fill my life to it's fullest with all kinds of wonderfulness. I find myself counting down the days until I get to go home and eat turkey, and even more so the days until I get to be back at home for an entire month! Then I think to myself how awful that actually sounds... I should be having the time of my life at college. I should be soaking in all this information and educational goodness that La Piedra has to offer. Such thoughts never cross my mind though, and I spend my days wishing I were home. I guess this rough stuff just makes it all the more joyous when I am home again for a while.

I. Love. Snow.

Flurries. Cold. Wind. White. Fluffy. Pure. Christmas. Fire. Trees. Wonderland. Singing. Hot chocolate. Cozy. Bundled up. Shiver. Smiles. Rosy cheeks. Ice. Lights. Joy. Happiness. Giving. Chilly. Gloves. Friction. Warm hugs. "Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes." Silence. Peace.

My tribute to the wonderful white stuff that falls from the sky.

A Sunday's contemplation

Why is our attitude of worship constantly interrupted by... life? Being in the presence of God our Savior is a beautiful gift and a wonderful experience... and I always come away wanting more. But what keeps us from constantly worshiping our Creator and King? What keeps me from being mindful of Him always? Surely, He is with us until the very end, correct? I long for every thought, action, conversation, and emotion to be a reminder of His holiness and power and strength and love and control in my life and in this world.

If only it wasn't just Sunday.

What will it take for us to remember His goodness every day? Beats me, but I'm willing to find out...

Sometimes you don't need accessories

I... want to be impossible to find.

Sometimes I wonder if that's too much to ask.

You know, you might find a pretty dress, but it's made just like every other dress in the store... and everyone else's closet.

If you can find something so easily, there's no fun involved. You just spend all your time wondering how you can make the dress unique... tweaking it and adding accessories because it's just boring by itself.

But when you find that one dress that you've been searching for forever, life is complete.

Or close to it, anyway.

So... I guess I've been trying to add too many accessories.

It's time to be an outstanding dress.

Time doesn't change us... we do that ourselves

promises unkept...
a dirty look
a fake smile
a perfect example of
sarcasm
complicated?
no
just inconsiderate
and heartless
will i ever grow up?
peter pan says no
that's what i say too
no one ever really grows up
we just think so because we're getting older
but we're all on the same page
we're all sucked in by that silly thing called
selfishness
get over ourselves?
hmm
we're too used to promises...
unkept

"I got the the blues!"

I think I have something like the Election Blues... like all the life has been sucked out of me. Really, I feel so worn out trying to fake a smile when people tell me about how happy they are that Obama won. It makes me so sad to know that they are completely oblivious to the real issues at hand. My public speaking professor was telling us about one of polls she heard about on why people voted for Obama. Roughly 70% said one of the key factors was age. Age! Really?! Right so... let's forget about our nation potentially turning communist, and let's look at what age we would like our president to be. "Oh he's so cool, he listens to music like us! Ha, sweet, man!" I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, SHUT THE FRICK UP! "Guys, we made history today. We voted the first black president into office! Let's hope he does ok." Seriously?! Seriously. Can I please, please smack someone?? Our constitution is about the be thrown out the window... and all people care about is the kind of music he listens to and that his kids are so cute?! GAH! What is this world coming to?

"I know I haven't spent a lot of time learning the ways of Washington. But I've been there long enough to know that the ways of Washington must change," Obama told thousands of cheering supporters as he announced his presidential campaign in February 2007.
http://elections.foxnews.com/candidate/barack-obama/


Hahahaha! Sound fishy? Hmm...

Scatterbrain

So Obama wins... what do we do? As Beth has been saying, a private island sounds fabulous. Anyone want to chip in with me? Tucans and tree frogs are guaranteed.

I had to perform my dance comp solo today. It went alright, but it definitely was not a great work of art. I just feel like the movements were meaningless... and I tried to give the piece emotion, but how can you when you're throwing yourself around and talking about missing pages from ancient text? I'm frustrated with my creative insides. I know there is much more inside of me than what has been coming out in class, but I don't know how to get it out. Maybe I'll just have to send a hook down my throat and hoist that goodness up and out of my system. Hmm. Now that's a thought.

I've come to the conclusion that food is overrated... that dieting is overrated... and that we should throw them both out the window. My problems would be truly solved. I am addicted to food, though. Bad days come... I eat. PMS comes... I eat chocolate! Boredom comes... you get the idea. That's really an awful habit to be in. How do we break bad habits, anyway? I have quite a few. I'd like to meet the bad-habit-solution guru and maybe have some tea. That would be a great way to spend my time, rather than eat.

So to conclude, I'm buying a private island, preferably with YOU, where I can gaze at tucans and listen to the tree frogs at night. There won't be any food there though... and don't even think about dieting! And really... we're all going to shove hooks down our throats to bring up some artistic genius! Now that is my idea of how to avoid the coming election doom.

On Standby

I feel so frustrated with life. So I thought I would come on here and just vent my thoughts. But when I sat down to start typing, I was blank. Absolutely, positively, 100% B-L-A-N-K. Ever get that feeling? You're just bogged down with all this stress in your life, but there just isn't a way to process any of it? So you sit there... like a doll... just watching tv or reading a book. Or staring at a wall; I do that on occasion. I think it's like shut-down mode. Or maybe standby. Everything shuts off to save energy. I usually get this way right before I have a good cry. The thing is, I don't want to cry. Sure, crying makes you feel tons better, but it doesn't solve any problems. I need the problems solved... now. And since I know I won't get that instant gratification, I'm in standby mode. Well... I guess another word for it would be laziness.

A Good Back-Cracking

It's amazing to me how simple it is to make someone happy. I myself get happy over the tiniest things. Today, for example, we experienced the first snowfall of the year. I was ecstatic! I took pictures and couldn't wipe the grin of my face as I walked in the freezing cold all the way to class. I love snow... almost as much as I love food. I tasted some baked ziti from Olive Garden a few minutes ago. It was heavenly. I took a bite, closed my eyes, sighed, and said something like, "Mmmm, oh that's GOOD! I... need to stop eating food." See? Doesn't take much to make me happy.

I often crack my roommate's back. She needs it; she's terribly outta wack. Without fail, whenever her back cracks exceptionally well, she proceeds to laugh uncontrollably for a good five mintues. Tonight she took laughing to a whole new level... with snorts and crying and rolling and sounds resembling a victim writhing in pain. For her, it was heavenly. On my end, I felt victorious! Again, it's the simple things in life.

Sucked In

I've always had this preconceived idea that blogging was a complicated and tedious process in which the participators mainly commented on our world of politics. I don't have the slightest idea where that preconception originated, but I've since come to truth about blogging! Praise the Lord...? I don't know; I'm positive that once this first blog is posted, I will have crossed over into the world of blogging addicts and won't be able to go through my day without thinking, "Oh, this will be GREAT for my blog!" I can't promise anything grand or profound to come from my little world, but I do want to be real with you. So much of this will be my thoughts, prayers, and observations... I intend to be encouraging, and perhaps even amazingly blunt. All that said, I've been sucked in. And as of this moment, there's no turning back!