On one not-so-particular day

I sat there today, in the cafeteria, affectionately known as the "fluh." Yes, I sat there. I often eat alone, not that I mind. Today was no different, except that it was so... peaceful. I sat there in a booth, getting smelly because the stench of onions and whatever else they cook permeates every item of fabric present, and watched the snow fall down. They recently hung lights in the floor-to-ceiling windows, the icicle kind. It felt like Christmas... or at least the way I picture a Christmas day. I wanted to sit there forever. No one understands why I like the snow. Yeah, it gets grey and ugly. And yeah, it can cause major road problems. And oh yeah, it can freeze your car to the ground... but it's beautiful! And after it falls, before all the trucks start clearing up the mess of things, it's so quiet. Come on now, you can't help but smile, can you?

A Drop From My Eye

Tears.
They're funny things. I wish I understood how they worked.
How do they know when you're feeling blue?
We know when we're upset because... well, because there are tears.
Crying brings peace, usually. If only for a little while.
Why is that? Why do we need to cry? Why do the tears flow?
It's an awful experience... and leaves you fully exhausted.
So why does it feel good sometimes to let the tears roll over our cheeks and spill onto our shirts... or pillows?
I hate holding it in. I feel like I'm exposing too much of myself if I show my tears.
Only God knows the tears... my tears.
He knows what each one was for... and He heard every hurt and angry word I ever said in the midst of the liquid coming out of my eyes.
That terrifies me.
No one should know the tears.
They're funny things.

Becca the Bobblehead

Truthfully, I just had a big scare and I don't want to talk about it. After today, I'm seriously considering a career in counseling. Hmm, I'll look into that.

Don't you hate drama? The kinda where a friend calls you up and says, "Hey, funny story I gotta tell you..." and then proceeds to tell you something that just makes your mouth drop? The story really isn't funny at all and you're left shaking your head after the friend finds some excuse to get out of your awkward disappointment. Today in particular, my trap flopped at the idiocy of such a happening. I'm still shaking my head, wondering how on earth this person could create so much drama in his life. It's just ridiculous. The best part is that, without fail, I always hear about every single stupid decision because... I listen. It's what I do. Oh, but it gets better. After I hear about it, I'll try to be honest, but that's just too awkward sometimes and said person doesn't want to hear it. So... I'm left sitting with a wide open mouth, looking like a bobblehead doll because no matter how hard I try, it won't stop shaking.

Another sunny day in Paris and Rome... but I wanna go home. I miss you so.

It's amazing how lifted my spirits are now that I've seen people from home. Lissa and the "2nd parents" came to see me today on their way to Pittsburgh. I realize that here in this silly little slippery town I'm not attached to anyone, and the love gets sucked out of me. All happiness gets drained out of my system by the end of a semester and I just want to be HOME... with the people who fill my life to it's fullest with all kinds of wonderfulness. I find myself counting down the days until I get to go home and eat turkey, and even more so the days until I get to be back at home for an entire month! Then I think to myself how awful that actually sounds... I should be having the time of my life at college. I should be soaking in all this information and educational goodness that La Piedra has to offer. Such thoughts never cross my mind though, and I spend my days wishing I were home. I guess this rough stuff just makes it all the more joyous when I am home again for a while.

I. Love. Snow.

Flurries. Cold. Wind. White. Fluffy. Pure. Christmas. Fire. Trees. Wonderland. Singing. Hot chocolate. Cozy. Bundled up. Shiver. Smiles. Rosy cheeks. Ice. Lights. Joy. Happiness. Giving. Chilly. Gloves. Friction. Warm hugs. "Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes." Silence. Peace.

My tribute to the wonderful white stuff that falls from the sky.

A Sunday's contemplation

Why is our attitude of worship constantly interrupted by... life? Being in the presence of God our Savior is a beautiful gift and a wonderful experience... and I always come away wanting more. But what keeps us from constantly worshiping our Creator and King? What keeps me from being mindful of Him always? Surely, He is with us until the very end, correct? I long for every thought, action, conversation, and emotion to be a reminder of His holiness and power and strength and love and control in my life and in this world.

If only it wasn't just Sunday.

What will it take for us to remember His goodness every day? Beats me, but I'm willing to find out...

Sometimes you don't need accessories

I... want to be impossible to find.

Sometimes I wonder if that's too much to ask.

You know, you might find a pretty dress, but it's made just like every other dress in the store... and everyone else's closet.

If you can find something so easily, there's no fun involved. You just spend all your time wondering how you can make the dress unique... tweaking it and adding accessories because it's just boring by itself.

But when you find that one dress that you've been searching for forever, life is complete.

Or close to it, anyway.

So... I guess I've been trying to add too many accessories.

It's time to be an outstanding dress.

Time doesn't change us... we do that ourselves

promises unkept...
a dirty look
a fake smile
a perfect example of
sarcasm
complicated?
no
just inconsiderate
and heartless
will i ever grow up?
peter pan says no
that's what i say too
no one ever really grows up
we just think so because we're getting older
but we're all on the same page
we're all sucked in by that silly thing called
selfishness
get over ourselves?
hmm
we're too used to promises...
unkept

"I got the the blues!"

I think I have something like the Election Blues... like all the life has been sucked out of me. Really, I feel so worn out trying to fake a smile when people tell me about how happy they are that Obama won. It makes me so sad to know that they are completely oblivious to the real issues at hand. My public speaking professor was telling us about one of polls she heard about on why people voted for Obama. Roughly 70% said one of the key factors was age. Age! Really?! Right so... let's forget about our nation potentially turning communist, and let's look at what age we would like our president to be. "Oh he's so cool, he listens to music like us! Ha, sweet, man!" I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, SHUT THE FRICK UP! "Guys, we made history today. We voted the first black president into office! Let's hope he does ok." Seriously?! Seriously. Can I please, please smack someone?? Our constitution is about the be thrown out the window... and all people care about is the kind of music he listens to and that his kids are so cute?! GAH! What is this world coming to?

"I know I haven't spent a lot of time learning the ways of Washington. But I've been there long enough to know that the ways of Washington must change," Obama told thousands of cheering supporters as he announced his presidential campaign in February 2007.
http://elections.foxnews.com/candidate/barack-obama/


Hahahaha! Sound fishy? Hmm...

Scatterbrain

So Obama wins... what do we do? As Beth has been saying, a private island sounds fabulous. Anyone want to chip in with me? Tucans and tree frogs are guaranteed.

I had to perform my dance comp solo today. It went alright, but it definitely was not a great work of art. I just feel like the movements were meaningless... and I tried to give the piece emotion, but how can you when you're throwing yourself around and talking about missing pages from ancient text? I'm frustrated with my creative insides. I know there is much more inside of me than what has been coming out in class, but I don't know how to get it out. Maybe I'll just have to send a hook down my throat and hoist that goodness up and out of my system. Hmm. Now that's a thought.

I've come to the conclusion that food is overrated... that dieting is overrated... and that we should throw them both out the window. My problems would be truly solved. I am addicted to food, though. Bad days come... I eat. PMS comes... I eat chocolate! Boredom comes... you get the idea. That's really an awful habit to be in. How do we break bad habits, anyway? I have quite a few. I'd like to meet the bad-habit-solution guru and maybe have some tea. That would be a great way to spend my time, rather than eat.

So to conclude, I'm buying a private island, preferably with YOU, where I can gaze at tucans and listen to the tree frogs at night. There won't be any food there though... and don't even think about dieting! And really... we're all going to shove hooks down our throats to bring up some artistic genius! Now that is my idea of how to avoid the coming election doom.