A Fire

It feels like your anger and your love are the same,

At times.

This fire in front of me burns red,

And all I think of is your rage.

Your love can burn, too,

For the same reasons.

You stepped in for me,

And through the ungrateful slime that sits here

You see me

The perfect me.

And because you are furious

You love.

God.

I have no words,

But I try.

It will never,

Ever,

Be enough.

Thank you.

I am sitting,

Wanting you,

Knowing your grace,

And sitting...

Just sitting,

Because that's all I can think to do

To express my heart for you.

Air in motion

I hear the wind

Like my brother whistling

Even inside I'm cold

When I think of the way

The air can sweep right through you

I want to stand in it

To be enveloped

In something not me

But I am afraid of the cold

I never venture forth

To feel the power in the tempest

There is something so reassuring

About being loved so much

That such love could crush you

And that is what I see in the storm today

I could be crushed

Blown away

Ripped apart

By something as earthly as the wind

I think it is time

For me to go stand

In the raging, glorious whirlwind

Of love

And that, of course, is what He has for me

You know my innermost being, Lord

"Have you ever wanted to be someone else?

Have you ever wanted just to be someone?

Have you ever wanted to reach your dreams?

Have you ever wanted life to be more than it seems?

Have you ever wanted to reach up and touch the sky?

Have you ever wanted to pack it up and say goodbye?

Have you ever wanted someone to care?

Have you ever wanted someone to be there?"

YES. This is how my heart is feeling.

Thank you, Shawn McDonald, for rasping out the truth of my innermost.

This is what I'm thinking: Don't you ever just want to be something and do something that's more important than yourself? To literally be the hands and feet of God? Isn't that what life is all about? Or is life about living the way everyone else lives and surviving in the economy? I don't know what to say to those feelings. There isn't an answer! There has to be a bigger purpose for me besides what I've been doing. I want to throw myself at the feet of God and say, "Send me anywhere! Use me to do anything! Because my body and soul are yours anyway..."

I've been sulking and frustrated. I want "life to be more that it seems." But I've forgotten the most important lyrics to that song. They go something like this...

"I have tasted of a love so wide that it stops all my time. I have tasted of a love so deep that it blows my mind. What you're looking for is my sweet, sweet Jesus."

It's Jesus. The answer. A simple one.

How do I take hold of Jesus?