Broken lips

Sometimes I wish I knew what to say to God. He often has me tongue-tied, much like I feel when the one I love is around. If He ever stood in front of me, I think I'd freeze. Perhaps a conversation without words would be completely appropriate. I'd hug Him, and touch His wrists. I'd look at Him for eternity if I could. I have a feeling His eyes will be the most breathtaking things I'll ever see.

Maybe that's why I'm having such trouble talking with Him... because words aren't enough. I've come to realize that they can't ever express everything inside of me, no matter how hard I try. I'm not eloquent. My words often don't reflect my heart. So how do I talk with God if I can't speak?

Lately I literally feel like my lips are incapable of forming words for Him. You know how some people lose the desire to live? Sometimes I lose all desire to speak. That's when my relationship with the Lord becomes difficult... I'm not able to just sit with Him when talking doesn't cut it.

I've been feeling like God is pressing something on my heart: I try too hard in my relationship with Him. If I simply live to please Him and help Him love other people through me, I'll be accomplishing so much more and experiencing such joy and peace than if I was focusing on what I should and shouldn't do... how I should and shouldn't act... what I should say or shouldn't say.

Anyway, it took all this to say: I haven't been speaking with God. I miss Him, but the words just won't come. So I'll serve and love and just live life in the hopes that my lips will be loosed and eventually give way to a much-needed conversation.

I spoke with a bird

I'm looking at a stone floor.

The lines are wobbly and dusted with pink petals.

There's a tree with beautiful branches.

I often wish I could be a tree...

Now I've got a bird staring me down.

"Pardon me, fine lady, but have you seen my slimy, wiggling friend?"

"No, my good birdfellow, I'm afraid I have not."

He hops along his merry way,

and I can't help wondering:

Have I helped to save a life or condemned another to starvation?

Wishful thinking

I sit here thinking

"I wish..."

And then it's gone

And I'm gone

Incredibly dangerous it is

To be

You whistle

Then pause as if to tell me something

Or nothing

That works too

Too often I expect

What isn't there

"I wish...

I wish that made me a better person"

Gazing out my window

I was surprised and delighted by the vibrant green grass. Right then and there, I wished my handwriting was more flowy... it would have matched my mood.

We make noise and we break

Ow.

My collarbone hurts.

And I'm scared it will break.

We're just breakable.

So many things can crush us.

Or go wrong.

Does it make you quiver to know you have no control?

I can step in the mud when my boots are on

What a relief relief is
Breathe a sigh, a contented sigh
And lips spread into a smile
Despite the rainy, dreary day
These feet have decided to skip

The only thing is
Relief doesn't last long
But maybe this time
Experience will keep this heart steadfast
Hopeful, so hopeful

My rain boots make me feel invincible

Some work in me

No one can give me what I want
I should expect it
I know no one can complete me
No one but you

I can't, I won't, I should look at you
Oh God, grab my face and turn it toward you

Can't explain, can't express, won't today
These feelings, these thoughts, these ridiculous fears
I don't need to
I'm written on your soul

Oh God, grab my face and turn it toward you

~~~~~~~~~~


I can physically feel the effects of the distance between you and I.
But what have I to cling to?
You. Aren't. Here.
I've wanted to see you, to hug you, to talk with you.
So. The choice to desire heaven...
I grasp it.
All I want is you.